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Chapter 1: My Skillz (My Game... for white people)
In this picture, you can clearly see the way I rapidly move my feet and draw a charge on the Cocaine Sensation himself, Shawn Kemp. It is in this fashion that I dominate the top centers in the NBA. Remember that rapid decline Shawn Kemp went through as a Cleveland Cavalier? Well, now you know the whole story.
Not only do I have the speed to contain smaller centers like Kemp but I also have the height to challenge even the greatest of centers. What I lack in my ability to jump, I more than make up by being really tall. What I lack in talent, well, that's never been an issue actually so I don't know! ;-)
My defensive skills are second to none. I have yet to see another player able to contain the Most Dominant Ever like I can. They should call me the Second Most Dominant Ever, since I am nearly of a level as the Most Dominant Ever. Things like this, sadly, are never noticed. Shawn Bradley does the little things that your rich white owner (who probably isn't as eccentric as mine! Not to mention his utter disregard for the value of the American dollar!) won't ever notice. Shawn Bradley does nothing but win and lock up your "All-Star" center.
No one is able to lock down players like I can. In fact, I have shut down the Mailman on multiple occassions. I believe that I have the rare ability to cause fear in other players by simply being on the court. You can act all you want on this play Mailman but you'll never live up to that acting job you put up in the 2004 Finals when you were masquerading as a Hall of Fame player!
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