"At least we have an excuse; Dirty South!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Actually traded Bill Russell AND Bob Cousy. Never recovered...

"1986 seems so long ago, doesn't it?"

Crippling Franchise Move: Cocaine overdoses

"We're just waiting for the right time to make a move."

Crippling Franchise Move: Sure Michael, you can have the keys to the franchise. You did so well the first time.

"And now........the team that forced Michael Jordan into retirement.......TWICE!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Can I just emphasize Jordan being put into retirement again?

"Surrounding greatness with mediocrity has always done well, hasn't it?"

Crippling Franchise Move: Signing the oft-injured 7'3 Mr. Bean to a huge contract.

"Come see our biggest attraction; our rich owner!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Trading Jason Kidd over a Toni Braxton argument. I shit you not.

"We are the Nuggets and we play at the Pepsi Center. Our futility is sponsored by Twix!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Kenyon Martin.

"Beer sales are strict, thanks to us!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Signed Brian Williams, errr Bison Dele, errr Tombstone #534524

"We're not quite Oakland, we're Golden State. The entire state gets to suffer!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Trading Webber, Gugliotta, Hardaway (Tim and Penny). Yep

"Steve Francis Tracy McGrady and Yao Ming! They go together as well as nuts and gum!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Traded Richard Jefferson on draft day. Woops!

"Sure, we'll take Mike Dunleavy. He's not that bad, is he?"

Crippling Franchise Move: "Yeah, I guess we'll take Troy Murphy too. Why not?"

"<Insert joke here>"

Crippling Franchise Move: Too many to list.

"We are the proof that Phil Jackson has no integrity."

Crippling Franchise Move: Sorry Shaq, we're more interested in pleasing Kobe than winning!

"How many other franchises have relocated within 7 years of existence? Just us!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Jerry West is great at getting you a 7th seed and a clean sweep out of the playoffs.

"Age is just a number :o)"

Crippling Franchise Move: Shaq, even though he said he'd quit the NBA before 30, continues to play in his 16th season and is paid as though he's still a good player.

"Come play in Milwaukee, where low-post play is optional!"

Crippling Franchise Move: It's been almost 10 years and I still can't fathom the Nowitzki-for-Traylor trade.

"The Timberwolves: Where losing your front office job is unheard of."

Crippling Franchise Move: Calling Christian Laettner a franchise player with a straight face

"Give us a lone NBA Finals appearance and we will fuck our team up!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Being located in New Jersey and allowing Jay Z to have anything to do with them. And Vince Carter. And Richard Jefferson.

"Move us wherever you want, we'll still underachieve!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Peja, will YOU take our money? What about you, Bobby Jackson?

"A commitment to ineptitude."

Crippling Franchise Move: "Our team needs to improve. That's why I'm giving Isiah Thomas the coaching job."

"Give us your old and tired young and talented and we'll give you mediocrity!"

Crippling Franchise Move: The worth of the dollar is lost in Magic land, where magic money is generated to pay magic one-time all-stars.

"I don't care if all he does is block shots sometimes, I want him signed damnit!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Can I just list Samuel Dalembert again?

"Fiscal responsiblity eludes us"

Crippling Franchise Move: Traded Jason Kidd, traded for Penny Hardaway, signed The Big Seizure, trades first-round draft picks like they're ginger babies.

"Where team harmony takes a backseat to minor success!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Traded for Shawn Kemp, Scottie Pippen. Traded Jermaine O'Neal

"BUT HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIS 48-PER STATS?"

Crippling Franchise Move: Ron Artest. If it hasn't happened yet then just give it some time.

"Come see Tim Duncan's fundamentals!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Bruce Bowen got a contract extension. Tony Parker makes $11 million a year. Ginobili makes $9 million a year. But RC Buford is still the best in the business!

"Consistently pissing off our star players since 1994!"

Crippling Franchise Move: There aren't many left but having to pay Wally Szczerbiak for 2 more years kind of sucks, doesn't it?

"Our coach is on the hot seat for 3 years. His reward is a new contract and a bigger hot seat."

Crippling Franchise Move: Rafael Araujo

"Jerry Sloan: Being Applauded for Being a Tremendous Asshole for 20 Years!"

Crippling Franchise Move: Andrei Kirilenko is a good fantasy player, which completely justifies throwing entirely too much money at him.

"The paint?"

Crippling Franchise Move: Juwan Howard + $105 million. Still.