Well friends, I have finally got the
GM thing down pat! For the first time in my life I can honestly
say that I have it all figured out. For years, when I was molding
the New York Knickerbockers into a 36-win monster of a basketball
club, I have been dogged with a reputation of sorts. You see, friends,
even in the National Basketball Association one can still get a
bad rep of sorts. Sure you may have made it to the big leagues but
there’s always some little ham-and-egger trying to claim your
rightful spot at the top of the totem pole. I have taken the country’s
most overexposed professional basketball team and taken them to
disappointing mediocrity time and time again and, in fact, made
an art out of it. The Knicks were just a bad team though and it
was really not my fault that they turned out so bad. They kept giving
me bad players and I kept giving them money. That was the deal and
we stuck to it. Now they’re giving me this “Scott, you
didn’t get us any cap space” bullshit and I’m
sorry but fuck you James Dolan. The point of this article is to
let the public know that, with my dismissal as GM of the New York
Knicks, I have finally acquired salary cap space… in my wallet!
My wallet and I had a press conference this afternoon and announced
the good news together. We stood side by side and smiled at the
glistening cameras as though they were speaking to us. One by one
we answered the grueling queries with a smile and an informative
answer.
“Scott, is this a joke?” One ugly Jewish reporter asked.
“No sir, it is not.” I replied. “I really have
acquired cap space.”
The questions were never-ending and the day was so boring and mundane
it seemed as though it were a James Cameron movie. As the press
finally let up I gave them my closing statement: |
